Phoenix Rising
by Roony
Summary: after 'Crossroads of Destiny', Zuko doubts his choice and decides to abandon Ba Sing Se to find his own way. On the way, he meets others the War has affected and comes to take a different look at his own nation. Zukocentric.
1. Chapter 1

Phoenix Rising

by: Roony

rating: T

summary: After 'Crossroads of Destiny', Zuko doubts his choice and decides to abandon Ba Sing Se to find his own way. Zuko-centric.

a/n: Hey guys. I've become an Avatar fan since the first season, but this is my first Avatar fic. Hope you don't mind long chapters, because these are all going to be rather large. Heh. Uh, anyways... Hope you enjoy!

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"Brother dear, if you could do me the slightest favor…" 

I knew that tone. Azula wanted me to do something she knew I'd find…unpleasant. I turned from the window, irritated that I had to be yanked from my reverie by _her_ of all people. Not that I could show any disagreement, and for that I loathed myself. How had I gotten under her thumb again?

The visions of what had happened in the crystal caverns flashed in my mind's eye. Uncle… I'd betrayed him.

But what could I have done? I am a prince. Azula gave me a chance to return home. She even gave me encouragement and told me to ignore whatever abuse Father would give me. Azula has _never_ done that for me.

"What is it?" I asked her, keeping my tone neutral.

"Aw, Zuzu," she chided with that cold smirk of hers. She ruffled my hair-something else she used to do before I'd ceremoniously shaved it. I _hated_ that. "For someone about to be taken out of exile, you don't look very cheery."

I scowled at her sarcasm and turned back to the window. Before me I saw Ba Sing Se. A great city. A city about to be claimed by the Fire Lord, already fallen to the Fire Nation.

"What do you want, Azula?" My words came with resigned pity. I _pitied_ an enemy city. Had a truly changed so much in only a few short months? I didn't want to believe it.

"I think it would be more fitting if you would call me 'Princess'," Azula remarked thoughtfully, "Seeing as how _I_ am ruler here and _you_ lost your title when you became a fugitive."

Though my brow furrowed in anger and I could feel the sparks forming in my hands, I only clenched my hands to hide them. I closed my eyes and counted to ten.

…As Uncle had told me to do.

Fortunately, I was spared the degradation of having to refer to Azula as anything other than her name, since she continued with her orders for me.

"Seeing as how our Father will be arriving in all his Majestic Glory within the week, we have some very serious work to do. We have to clean house."

I nodded. Though, a felt a chill snake its way down my spine at the mention of 'cleaning house'. Worry drifted towards Uncle. I thought of him in his small cell, sitting there. Probably cursing my name.

"So," Azula went on in that commanding tone, "I'll need you to pitch in." She put her finger under my chin and used it to turn my face to her own taunting smirk. "Be good and I'll put a _very_ good word in for you, Zuzu."

I jerked my head away. I hated it when she touched me. I also hated when she called me that childhood name, but I kept silent.

"Some prisoners have to be dealt with. It would just be so terrible if Father arrived and thought I'd gone _soft_." I stiffened and must have appeared startled, because next she said, "Oh no, Zuzu, you don't have to worry about Uncle yet." A cold smile crept over her features. "I'm sure Father will want to take care of him on his own."

I felt ill. My face could testify as to what it meant for Father to 'take care of' you.

"I have some recent subversives that have popped up recently." She gave a shrug. "Without Long Feng's little lantern tricks and the Earth King having escaped, it seems that some tongues have loosened up. While those tongues have already been cut out, we still need to contain the problem." She put a hand on my shoulder and I suppressed a flinch.

"Find out what they know, then make them forget." She studied me for a moment. "I trust your time on the road didn't cause you to loose mastery in _that_?"

Mastery in what? Intimidation? Interrogation? Perhaps even torture? I swallowed.

"No," I answered. I remembered. I knew that much because I'd tried just about everything to forget.

"Good," she said appraisingly as she patted me on the back. She turned and began to depart. At the door, she paused and turned back to me. "It's good that you've returned, Zuko."

I stood at the window, staring after her. Azula. My sister, my rival, my hunter, my superior, my godsend…

The greatest evil I'd ever known.

--------------------------------

I went down to the jails, where a mixture of Dai Li and Fire Nation soldiers stood at their posts. One recognized me-I'm not an easy face to _miss_.

"Prince Zuko, Princess Azula alerted me to your duties. Please follow me. I'll brief you on the way."

I was rather taken aback by being addressed as 'Prince' once again. How long had it been since one had addressed me by that title and meant it as one of respect, of superiority, as _birthright_? I followed the solider-he was of the Fire Nation-down a corridor lined with cell walls.

I used every meditation technique I knew to not wonder if Uncle was behind one of those doors.

"The interrogation rooms are fairly simple, typically used for verbal questioning only, with very minor physical encouragement." He chuckled slightly, and I caught him glancing at my hands. "But with your fire bending talents, I can imagine that makes little difference to you."

"Very little," I replied quietly. I did not know what Azula had told this man nor what he assumed. And it occurred to me that I had no idea _what_ was exactly expected of me by these men whom, I supposed, I was being given command over.

"Well this one may give you a little trouble, but not for long. The Dai Li's own system finally caught up. Once you've finished, they'll take over."

I didn't ask what he meant because I didn't want to know.

We finally stopped before a door that was a little darker than the others. I don't know if it was in the actual shading of the door or more of an aura of it.

"In here," the solider said as he unlocked the door and held it open for me.

Again, it was strange for such a courtesy to be offered to me. As I stepped through the door, I wondered if things could really be as they were. Could I truly become Prince of the Fire Nation once more?

"I'll wait outside," the soldier said casually, hardly glancing at the interior and the prisoner within.

I might have opened my mouth to say something more, but he shut the door before any more exchange could be given. Had I heard him lock it behind him? The room was dark for a moment, and I saw that the lanterns were dying. I sensed a figure at the table in the center of the room. I paused and waited for the prisoner to move or speak, but was rewarded with nothing.

_Let's get this over with_.

I conjured flames in my hands and sent them to strengthen the lanterns, not bothering to speak. I knew that my firebending and the revelation of my deformed face would be strongly intimidating to start with.

But, as I found, _I_ was the one who was shocked to see who sat before me.

I found myself staring at…at an _old hag_!

She had gray hair more unkept than a lizard-parrot's nest, a nose crooked and slightly twisted, and a weathered wrinkled face marked here and there with spots and warts. She was hunched so that I suspected there to be a curve on her back somewhere. Her clothes were dirty and poor. I wrinkled my nose, having a distinct impression that she smelled

_Was this Azula's idea of a joke?_

In my astonishment, there was an awkward moment where I only stared at the hag and she in turn glared at me. Since I had betrayed myself to be speechless for the moment, the hag spoke first. She had a voice like claws on glass.

"So you're the 'fiery demon' sent to 'give me a glimpse of Judgement'?" She gave a rasping laugh that might have even _hurt_ her. Strange that I was the one who felt stung. "I've seen rabbit-panda pups more scary than you!" She paused a moment, her beady eyes assessing me. "You're nothing but a boy! My grandson's three times the man you think you are!" She paused again, but apparently in thought. "Of course, he _would _be. If I had one."

I felt my old anger flare up within me. I am to be mocked by a decrepit hag? _This_ was how I was to reclaim my honor? By taking abuse from this mad witch?

"Why are you here?" I asked quietly, letting my voice slip into the cold flow. I thought of my last ride as the Blue Spirit.

The hag hardly seemed impressed, let alone frightened. "You don't even know _that_? The question should be what in Ruko's name _you're_ doing here!"

"Why are you here?" I repeated, not acknowledging the remark.

"If they were going to bother to _drag_ me in here," she ranted on, gesturing awkwardly with her earth-bound hands, "They should've at _least_ gotten someone who's not a _completely useless fool_!"

And suddenly I was gone. I wasn't in that room with the hag, I wasn't even in the Earth Kingdom anymore. I was at home; I was in the palace of the Fire Nation and Father was there…

"_Azula, you see, was born lucky. Whereas _you _were lucky to be _born_!"…_

…"_How could I leave you to take the throne? You're hardly worth the ground you stand on!"…_

…"_You are hereby banished…"…_

I heard myself yell, I am sure. And I knew that I had leapt across the table while conjuring a fireball in my left hand. Yet somehow I didn't understand how I had ended up grabbing the neck of the hag and brandishing my flame before her face. Her confidence and madness had evaporated. Now she only shrank away from the heat of my flame as much as she could.

"Let me explain exactly what will happen here," I said, by voice a cold river. "I will ask you questions. You will answer them. You are not here to speak, unless you are spoken to. If you break this arrangement…" I threatened the fire closer and she flinched. "There will be consequences." I pulled my fireball-consumed hand away ever so slightly. "Do you understand?"

She risked the slightest nod. "Yes," she choked, her voice quavering, "_Please_, please don't…"

And then I caught my reflection in one of the lanterns.

I saw myself, towering over and threatening a cowering old woman with malice marring my features.

_What in Ruko's name was I doing?_

I released the old woman and backed away as I extinguished my hand. I stared at my hands and then back at my reflection in the lantern. For a moment, I thought I saw my father in the glass in my stead. I turned back at the old woman who seemed hardly aware that I had gone away from her. She still had her eyes closed in terror and I could see her shaking.

I felt a shame that I had never known before. It bore into me and seemed to infest me like a disease. What I was doing…it was monstrous.

Guilty and awkward now, I backed away to a corner of the room, unsure what to do with myself now. I glanced at the door. The Dai Li agent might have heard, or perhaps not. Since I could hear nothing but the old woman whimpering at there was no other sign of commotion from outside, I assumed that if he heard, he didn't care what was happening in here. And for that, a part of me wanted to kill him.

I turned back to the old woman. I couldn't leave this. Azula had given me a task. I had already gone too far to turn back.

I sat in the chair across the table, but averted my eyes from the old woman. She did not speak. Apparently, my threats had gotten through to her. And yet, I didn't want to ask her any more. Any interrogation now seemed pointless to me.

"My name is Zuko," I said quietly. I didn't know why I was speaking. But, though I spoke very slowly and very clearly, my words seemed to me to be tumbling out of my mouth like an avalanche. "I was once the Prince of the Fire Nation. My mother died to save me from my own murderous family. My father finds me a great disappointment. He gave me this…"

I touched my scar ever so gingerly, as though I thought it would begin to hurt me like when it had been fresh. I glanced to the old woman. She had stopped cowering, and was now peering at me with a mixture of suspicion and perplexity. I understood. I myself didn't know what I was doing. And yet, I continued.

"Then I was banished. I've been trying to reclaim my honor ever since. I've recently betrayed the only person in this world I thought I could trust. And in turn, I was the only one he trusted. Yet I don't regret what I have done."

I paused and looked to the old woman. For some reason, I asked her something and silently prayed for an answer. It didn't matter what the answer was, simply the _existence _of one would suffice.

"Am I damned?"

The old woman gazed at me. She did not stare and her face was not blank. In fact, suddenly all madness, terror, and otherwise _weakness_ seemed to be gone. Her hunched back suddenly seemed straight, her face clear, her hair smoothed. I noted the transformation, yet I wondered if I was imagining it. It wasn't _possible_, after all.

She seemed to think for a moment, yet I had the strange feeling that she was purposely making me wait for a reply.

Finally she spoke, and though her voice was still raspy, it no longed screeched.

"Do you truly wish to know? Or do you want to answer for yourself?"

I thought. And before I could even come up with an answer, the door opened. Surprised, I looked to see the Dai Li guard standing there with a pair of Earth Kingdom soldiers. He seemed to be content that he was doing his job, yet was obviously confused at the…cleanliness of the room.

"Forgive me, Prince Zuko," he addressed, adding with a cautious smile, "But there are schedules to be kept. Princess Azula is being very strict with timing." He turned to the old woman. "Phuong Mizaki, you are to accompany these men."

"My surname isn't Mizaki!" I heard her snap. It was claws on glass again.

I turned and saw her as hideous as she'd been when I'd first arrived. I blinked and decided that what I'd seen had been a trick of the light.

The Dai Li guard rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Come on."

The old woman stood obediently anyway, walking past me without even a glance and the soldiers quickly took hold of her. I thought they were being rather aggressive to be apprehending a deformed old woman.

As they began to take her down the corridor, I exited the room and watched the leave. I saw her turn back to me once, looking me in the eye.

And in that moment, I knew I would never see her again.

I turned my back on the scene and headed back to the main entrance of the cells. I felt strange; unfocussed. I decided that I'd had enough of Azula's chore. Walking past the blank doors, again I wondered if Uncle was behind one of these doors. What was he thinking about, right now, in his small dark cell? Was he badly injured from his capture?

I steeled myself. To worry about Uncle now was only to further injure myself. I'd made my move, now I had to accept it and continue on.

I turned a corner, set on heading to the world above. I thought I heard a door open, and maybe a shout. I couldn't quite tell.

And then the world collapsed.

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to be continued... 


	2. Chapter 2

a/n: next chapter. just fyi: keep in mind this is all Zuko's POV so some of this stuff may seem hard to follow-just fill in the blanks where need be.

pleas enjoy.

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I leapt back behind the safety of the corner to shield myself from the blast of earth. I caught sight of an Earth Kingdom guard lying unconscious under what was once the wall of a cell. The wall had been brought down by earthbending, now doubt. But none of the prisoners could earthbend… Which meant…

But who was thick enough to break _in_ to a prison?

I soon had my answer when an all too familiar voice said, "Guess we're in."

The Avatar.

Another voice. Not so familiar. Energetically hopeful. "Did I get him?" A girl, and she was probably referring to the fallen guard.

"Yeah, Toph, you got him," the Avatar replied uncertainly.

A sigh of settled discontent, and even before she spoke I knew her. "So much for discretion." The waterbender, Katara.

I remained perfectly still, and then wondered why. The Avatar, an earthbender, and a waterbender. In most situations, I truly believed I could defeat them. But, given the circumstances, in close quarters _underground_, taking on two earthbenders was decidedly not a wiser move.

"What was the point of the tunnel if you were going to start smashing walls, Toph?" Katara. Annoyed and bossy. Not much of a surprise there.

"It was the wrong cell anyway," the other girl retorted. "And now we've got a guard to question. If anything, I did us a favor!"

"Well, hurry up," the waterbender sighed apprehensively, "Someone _had_ to have heard that."

I allowed the slightest smirk at that.

"Why can't we just open all of the cells?" The Avatar. Childishly naïve as usual.

"Aang, no." Katara, taking charge. "We don't know who to trust and who not to. There could be prisoners here that are actual criminals."

"Then again…" the earthbending girl added thoughtfully, "If we _did_ open up all the cells-without helping everyone, I mean-that could be a pretty good distraction."

"Hmm…"

Releasing the prisoners could not be allowed. And since I have never been one to run to others, such as the guards, for help, I stepped forth from the shelter and shameful hiding of the corner.

"I can't let you do that," I said quietly, just loud enough for them to hear.

The three turned to me with mixed fear, surprise, and anger. The anger I saw most was in that of Katara, and I remembered our last meeting. I'd helped to nearly kill both the Avatar and her.

"Zuko," the Avatar addressed with apprehension and…was that pity again? Or regret?

I thought of the glistening green caverns. The surging water and fire, the Earth Kingdom troops invading the place like a nest of insects. I thought of the Avatar in the State. The bright blue flash that I knew to be Azula. And then he wasn't a god anymore, but a boy. A boy falling to the earth, and I knew he would die. Or at least, thought as much.

One thing I have learned since I first came upon the Avatar: more than any other element, he bends luck to his will the best.

The waterbender girl saved him, nearly drowning me and some other soldiers on the way. I don't think I'll ever forget the look on her face as she held that boy in her arms and Azula and I moved in for the final strike.

I looked back on that moment and still asked myself what I had been doing. The goal had never been to kill the Avatar. If anything, that was strategically idiotic, for once Aang died, the Avatar would pass to another random, impossible to locate person. Then again, if Azula hadn't interrupted the State, we all could have been killed. I remember well the North Pole and the destruction reeked there.

Using the pouch at her side, Katara brought forth a stream of blue water. As she took a battle stance, her eyes glared a hate at me that I'd never known before. I brought forth a flame in each of my own hands, taking my own battle stance.

"Toph…" she said, not breaking from me, "Let them out. All of them."

The short girl, an earthbender no doubt, raised her foot in an attempt to unearth the doors, but I sent a stream of fire to stop her. "No!"

The Avatar brought up a wall of earth to protect the girl, who suddenly seemed highly annoyed. And it occurred to me by the way she hadn't even flinched from the impending fire, and the discoloration that she might be… I nearly snorted. The Avatar was relying on a _blind_ girl for help?

"That's _it_!" the girl said angrily. She brought her foot down, and an earthquake shook the whole corridor.

I grabbed the wall to remain upright, but Katara took the opportunity to strike with her water. I tightened my grip as a whip of water slammed into me. In retaliation, I fired back. But the Avatar used earth and air to deflect me.

As the ground shook, the doors to the cells quaked most violently. As I fought with Katara and the Avatar-whom I had to begrudgingly admit were winning-I saw the hinges of the doors failing against the rough environment. My eyes narrowed. I couldn't let them win!

With a great yell, I kicked a long, powerful stream of fire at my opponents. The fire was so hot that it turned the water Katara used to defend herself to steam. The waterbender's eyes widened with a familiar fear. Her water couldn't protect her from the attack. She stepped back and instinctively held up her arms in weak defense.

For a second, I thought I'd gotten her. But the Avatar brought forth a great wall of earth that smothered the flames. He also launched that same earth back at me, and I had to duck behind the corner for cover. The mass slammed into the wall next to me and nearly brought it down.

I heard a collection of groaning metal, clangs, and heavy thuds, followed by a cacophony of voices. The doors were down. The prisoners were out.

"Come on," I heard the Avatar call to his cohorts, "Let's find Iroh!"

My body went totally still as the three departed and the prisoners began to discover their newfound freedom. 'Iroh'. They were helping Uncle escape.

_The glistening green caverns, where fire and water battle. Earth Kingdom soldiers are invading insects. _

_The Avatar is falling. A boy will die. _

_A girl holds him in her arms, knowing they will die here. _

_Uncle stands, Dragon of the West, keeping us at bay while the girl carries the Avatar away._

_Uncle, encased in crystal, turns his head form me in shame._

"_Today, you restored your own honor."_

"_You're not the man you used to be."_

And suddenly, all I wanted was to find him. I needed to speak with him, I needed to beg his forgiveness. What I truly needed was to travel back to that day and change everything.

But what was done was done, and all I could do was try to amend what I could.

I stepped back into the corridor. The Avatar, Katara, and the blind girl were gone, but several scraggly prisoners had wandered into the halls. A great crowd of them were beginning to approach from the other halls. They'd already began to contentedly trample the unfortunate guard.

I saw them not entirely as escaped prisoners so much as obstacles in my way. I sent waves of fire over their heads, shouting, "Back in your cells!" They cowered and quickly retreated back into their cells.

I ran down the halls, sending warning flames at any who meekly peered out in hope of the danger being over. I don't know if I was chasing or just following the three fugitives.

But what happened in the end was that I rounded a corner after a long run and found myself face to face with my uncle again.

Though it was stupid, I cried out. "Uncle!"

But I looked at his expression and saw how much had changed between us. He regarded me as an enemy. He took a fighting stance along with the other three with him. I felt everything go cold.

I wasn't-did not _want_ to be his enemy. He was all I had to rely on. The only one who had cared about me this whole time. He'd taken me as his own.

And I had betrayed him.

"Stay back," he said to me, his voice a stone wall. He turned to the girl and the Avatar. "I think it is time we left."

Somehow, that was like a needle to my skin. No, he couldn't leave! I had to talk with him, I had to tell him-

-and in my panic, I sent a fireball at the Avatar and the girl to stop them. The Avatar blocked the attack, but it was Uncle who struck back.

In my surprised stupor, I hardly even managed to turn out of the way before searing pain erupted on my left arm. I touched the wound with my right hand, not only because of the pain, but the shock. I had to touch it to know it was real. I stared at the blistering, bleeding mark on my flesh.

I turned my gaze back to my uncle, and saw his eyes. There was no regret. Only acceptance.

As the Avatar created another tunnel, the blind girl raised forth a curved wall of stalagmites for cover. All the sharp points of the rocks seemed pointed at me. The defensive wall wasn't really needed; I could barely make myself move.

I stayed where I was, not even trying to stop them as they made their escape.

----------------------

He'd burned me. Uncle had burned me.

Even in sparing, he'd never intentionally singed me. And now I was worrying that I'd have a second great scar… A second scar given so generously by a relative.

I'd lost my uncle forever. I knew that in the center of my soul, and it pained me like a dagger there.

Not that Azula gave a damn.

"It's barely a flesh wound!" she'd barked at me when she'd come upon me.

I was staring at the blistering burn, but the pain was numb. The wound was simply all I _knew_.

"Secure the prisons and find them!" Azula roared to the Dai Li before her. As they departed, she whirled on me. I could see the beginnings of blue sparks in her palms. "Zuko, you had better believe me when I tell you that your fate lies on recapturing Uncle before Father arrives. Understand?"

I kept my face cool, slightly apprehensive, and even a little bored, not daring to show how weary those hands made me. "Yes."

But before departing, I added, "Strange that you should be so concerned about me, though."

Azula rounded on me. "_Is_ it?"

"I tried to stop them," I stated simply, "But wasn't Long Feng in charge of security in the catacombs? And didn't the Avatar break in through the catacombs? It didn't even seem to be that great of a challenge."

I saw Azula's face falter ever so slightly, but turned my back on her and continued on.

"Really, Azula," I remarked coldly, "You didn't think he'd bow down to you as easily as everyone else, did you? Actually, I'm surprised you've kept him around for this long."

I knew well that to have incompetent Zuzu mocking her would only spur Azula to further suspect and focus on Long Feng. Or at least, I had to hope it would. It was my last chance.

--------------------------

I didn't join the hunt for Uncle and the others; the very idea of tracking Uncle like a common criminal made me sick. I had a very small window of opportunity, and I was just barely going to make it. The seed of suspicion against Long Feng that I'd baited Azula with was only going to last so long. I left the palace quickly and quietly, knowing that how rapidly and discreetly I made my exit would buy more time.

I traversed the city as fast as I could, but not risking to take any of the public transportation, the crowds and guard patrols slowed me down considerably. But, I managed to made it back to the tea shop.

Fortunately, she was already there. She spotted me immediately, and internally I flinched, knowing that the scar was what made me stand out so clearly.

Jin ran to me, confusion and relief on her face. She was smiling, and I thought for a moment how nice her smile was. After that thought, I mentally kicked myself. Where had that thought come from? It was ridiculous for someone like me! …wasn't it?

"Li!" She threw her arms around me, and I stiffened, yet I was disappointed when she released me. "Where've you been?"

"That's not important," I replied quietly.

Surprisingly, she seemed to accept that much. "Where's your uncle?" She gave a small smile. "Everyone's been missing his tea."

I felt as though I were falling into a black pit that I'd never escape. Not that I deserved to. I found myself staring at my forearm, where under my shirt's sleeve my new burn lay. My uncle's burn. Though my head was filled with a universe of images and words and emotions, all I told Jin was: "He's gone."

She saw my face and suddenly looked concerned. "What's wrong?" I didn't answer. She gave a small smile. "Complicated again?"

"You could say that."

She hesitated. "Look, people have been talking," she went on, worry in her voice.

A part of me never wanted to hear that tone in her voice again. I didn't want Jin to have to worry. But I knew that in order to save her, I had to make her more than worry. I had to make her scared for her life.

"I think something bad's happening at the palace," she finished.

I gave a mirthless smile. "You have no idea."

Her eyes widened. "You know? Li, tell me what's going on! Please, Li-"

"My name isn't Li."

I had to say it. I hated how she called me by a made up name. I wanted her to stop saying it. Because every time it came out of her mouth, it was a sting of the lies I'd given her.

She stared at me for a moment, her face totally blank. But I knew her mind had to be racing.

"What?"

I had to tell her what I could for now. Had to tell her enough to get the point across and make her listen to me.

"I've lied to you about some things," I said sincerely, "I'm sorry. And I'd spend forever explaining if I could, but there's no time."

Jin seemed uncertain, and I wouldn't have been surprised if she'd ran off down the street. But she couldn't. This was the only chance. I held her arm to keep her there and to emphasize my seriousness.

"No matter what I may have lied to you about, you have to trust me and listen now." I leaned in and looked her in the eye. "Get out of Ba Sing Se."

She shook her head. "I don't understand."

"Bad things are going to happen very soon," I told her, "They've already started. You have to get out of here before they get worse. Understand? Leave the city, Jin."

I stepped away from her, expecting her to take off. But she didn't. She kept looking at me. Her eyes said she wasn't sure whether to trust me, but she did believe my words.

"What about you?"

I almost thought I'd imagined the question. Jin really cared what happened to me? But I couldn't focus on that. I'd answer her question, but in military fashion: a trade. "First promise me you'll leave."

She nodded. "I swear on..." she faltered, but went on with uncertain gusto, "…On my dead ancestors and even any family that are just feeling under the weather." She straightened a little. "Now what about you?"

"I'll be okay." That wasn't a promise I could definitely keep. "But I can't go with you." That was true. "You have to get out on your own." That was, if she _could_.

Jin nodded again, though she seemed disappointed that I'd have to leave her. I didn't blame her; she had probably never done anything like this. "I've got family in Chi Nihng. I'll go there."

Chi Nihng was, for the moment, out of the Fire Nation's path. It would be safe…for a time. Now that Ba Sing Se had fallen, no city in the Earth Kingdom was guaranteed safety. "Good."

I turned to leave, but Jin's arm stopped me. I turned, and found her kissing me…again. And I found I could kiss her back…again.

Jin pulled back and smiled with self-satisfaction. "I'll wait for you."

I grabbed her arm, my face hardened. "No."

Jin's eyes narrowed and I found myself in the jail with Katara again. "'No'? Don't tell me 'no'!"

I winced and glanced awkwardly at the passing crowds. I felt, for the first time in a very long time, my face go _pink_ with embarrassment and shame. Jin's tirade continued on regardless.

"You tell me you've lied to me, suddenly I don't even know you're name anymore, then you tell me to leave the city before 'bad things happen', and now you act like I'll never see you again?"

I sighed. Once again, I had to tell the truth. "You probably won't."

"Well I'd better!" Her voice quavered, and I saw her eyes glisten with tears. "Because…because…"

Her words stopped, but only because I had kissed her. It was the first time _I_ had kissed a girl, rather than her kissing me, and…and I liked it. It was actually kind of…nice. Very nice. Jin apparently enjoyed it too, because even when I'd pulled away she was speechless.

I held her hand for a moment and looked at her, thinking it would be the last time I'd ever see her.

The last thing I said to her before I disappeared into the crowd:

"Get out."

* * *

to be continued...

so yeah, I like the Jin/Zuko pairing. shoot me.

read and review if ya like.


	3. Chapter 3

a/n: thanks to those who've taken an interest in this story. glad to have some support!

please enjoy.

* * *

I returned to the palace to keep up appearances. Long absences didn't bode well for my reputation as a reformed traitor. I arrived in time to see Long Feng's final punishment before Azula. He stood before her cross-legged enthroned majesty, bound by his own men. Ty Lee and Mai stood at Azula's side, no longer wearing the Kyoshi farces.

"What is the meaning of this!" the general demanded indignantly, "I have done nothing short of swear total allegiance to you and keep it!"

This was a lie. I knew it. Azula knew it. Long Feng knew it. One had to credit him with being to bold as to _attempt_ to save his own skin.

"And yet…" Azula said with her sarcastic drawl and mocking smile, "I just can't believe you."

"This is enough!" Long Feng roared, struggling against his own men. He turned to them in desperation. "Don't you see how she has poisoned you? This is our land! Not the Fire Nation's!"

"Rather late to have that change of heart, isn't it, Long Feng?" Azula said with a cold smile.

It was. Long Feng's former commands didn't listen to him. They remained still, totally open to Azula's will. Long Feng turned back to Azula, his eyes filled with rage. And desperation.

"I'll not fall to the likes of you!" he spat.

Suddenly, the bounds holding him broke, and Long Feng began to swing his arms to earthbend. I steadied myself, ready to attack despite my recent wound, but-

A flash of lightning struck Long Feng. He fell to the ground with a great cry, the final sound he would ever make. His body hit the ground and was still. Long Feng, leader of the Dai Li, had become a fatality of his own coup.

I looked to Azula who, her striking hand still raised, smiled at the sight.

She addressed the room. "Be aware of this above all else: the Fire Nation Princess is not to be crossed." Her eyes turned to me in warning, and perhaps suspicion. I stared straight back at her, unwavering.

I started to depart, but behind me I heard her call out. "Zuko. Might we talk for a moment?"

I returned to her obediently, but I took my time doing so. "Yes, Azula?"

She smiled at me and my skin crawled. "I wanted to thank you for your assistance in this matter," she said, waving a hand to Long Feng's body, which was being removed as she spoke.

Her eyes looked into mine, and a childlike fear that she could see into my soul and know all of me slipped into my heart. I suppressed a shiver.

"You're greatly improving, Zuko," she said, "At this rate, Father will welcome you back with open arms."

"You think?" I asked quietly. Hope traced my voice far more than I wished to share.

"I _know_," Azula assured. I started to leave, but she continued to speak. "The search for Uncle is ongoing, but I've been told that there has been great progress."

I faced her and knew she was baiting me. But it wouldn't work. "Good."

She tipped her head contemplatively at me, searching for a sign of deceit. She wouldn't find any.

"Only remember, brother," she said, her voice a snake; cold and slippery, "This is _my _victory. Do _not_ cross me."

She gestured lazily to where Long Feng had fallen. I remained stoic.

Instead of Long Feng, I thought of my mother. I thought of Uncle's eyes, warning me not to test him again as he escaped. I thought of kissing Jin.

I couldn't fear Azula or anyone else anymore. There was nothing left for them to take from me.

------------------------

As I considered within the palace what I was to do next, I was surprised to come upon Mai. Since she and Ty Lee had become almost lashed to Azula's side, I knew our paths hadn't crossed by coincidence. I meant to move past her without a word, but she spoke anyway.

"Hi."

She meant to sound casual, but I wasn't stupid. I assumed Azula had sent her on the errand of talking to me for some reason.

In return, I gave a mumbled 'hi', back and she, unfortunately, thought this was permission to walk with me. It obviously wasn't and I was irritated at the presumption.

"So…how've you been?"

I stopped at stared at her. "How do you _think_?"

Mai gave an indifferent nod. "Right. That's what I thought."

I went on, but still she followed me.

"My parents had another kid," she said with a bored conversationalist tone.

"So what?" I retorted irritably. I didn't need this.

Mai gave an annoyed sigh. "Look, I just figured, I mean, we should talk. You know, since we're on the same side now."

I gave a short snort. 'Same side'. Maybe Azula did send her, maybe not. It didn't really make a difference.

"We may be on the same side," I said coldly, "But you and I have nothing to discuss."

Mai stopped, mumbled a 'whatever', and went back the way she'd come. I was relieved for her to be gone and wondered why she'd started talking in the first place. I thought of our childhood in the Fire Nation… But that had been years ago. Surely that wasn't how she felt anymore…

I turned back , not sure what I would say, but she'd already disappeared down another passage.

------------------------------

With the Earth King gone, any of the luxurious rooms and grand treasures within the palace were up for grabs. Fire Nation soldiers had helped themselves to what Azula hadn't claimed already. Yet, it was hardly surprising that I'd managed to collect a large pile of ancient and perhaps priceless vases from various rooms throughout the palace. As a culture, the Fire Nation wasn't one for pointless trinkets unless they were their own. Naturally, I sympathized with this attitude.

I'd lost count of the vases I'd turned to blackened rubble, but I could tell my aim was getting refreshed. I was out of practice from being on the run and the exercise helped to clear my mind. Yet I'd become increasingly agitated as my thoughts had continued.

What would happen to me here? Azula couldn't protect me from Father-not that she truly cared to. I was just more convenient as a lacky than an enemy. But then, what if she was sincere? She'd kept me around for a _reason_. I was her flesh and blood. I sneered grimly. Not that that made a damn difference in our house.

Throwing another vase into the air and smashing it with a flaming kick, I thought of what would happen even if Father took me back. Azula had spoken of being treated as a war hero. Then what? I would go home. I thought of the palace and the cherry blossom gardens. Sleeping in my own bed. I found myself smiling at the thought.

But what really awaited at home? Little more than aesthetic and sentimental comforts. I would be alone. Alone in that house again. That thought was almost overwhelming.

What would I become when I came home? I wasn't the man I'd been when I'd left, that much was certainly true. I thought of the days I'd spent among the people I was supposed to loath and conquer without mercy: the girl, Song, with her burned arm and kindness; the boy, Li, and his admiration of me…before he knew of my firebending. He'd said that he hated me. After I'd saved him.

I thought of Jin and what would've happened between us under different circumstances. She'd be another Earth Kingdom peasant. She'd be a no one, a face in the masses. It made me sick to realize that Jin could easily have been nothing to me. Jin wasn't nothing. She never would be.

I saw myself in the reflection of the lanterns of the prison again. Threatening a helpless old woman for what amounted to no good reason. Where was the sense in that? There was none. It was madness; violent angry madness.

Was that what would become of me? Would I… Would I…

Would I become my father?

I remembered the dreams I'd had when I'd fallen ill. Two dragons, blue and red. All Hail Fire Lord Zuko.

"NO!" I screamed, blasting everything I had at the remaining vases, the heat so great that I could see through the heat that they were melting, running together in a distorted deformed mess. And I didn't care. I wanted them burned; I wanted everything burned.

I continued to pour flames onto the pile until my energy was nearly gone. Forced to stop, I breathed deeply, surprised at my fatigue. Though I felt a little better, my mind was not at ease. I was angry at everyone, including myself. I was angry at my father, at Azula. I was angry at Uncle for burning me. I was angry at the Avatar and his friends for always escaping and ruining my life. I was even angry at Mother for leaving me.

I closed my eyes as I felt a tear welling up from my good eye.

A voice startled me out of my thoughts.

"Nice. Going for the tapestries next?"

I turned in irritation to see Mai leaning lazily in the doorway. "Go away," I growled as I turned back. I saw the bond fire of vases already dying down.

There was a pause and for a moment I thought she'd gone, but to my dismay she wasn't. "You know, you weren't always like this."

"What's it to you?" I snapped.

"Nothing," she replied, and I wondered if she was being honest about that. "Just making an observation."

"Observe all you like," I said snidely, gesturing to the vase fire.

She raised an eyebrow at me. "So. Why aren't you out looking for your uncle or the Earth King? Or did you just figure it was pointless like me?"

"Does it matter?" I growled. I just wanted her to go away.

"No, I guess not," she stated. She started to leave, but added with what was either pity or malice trimmed on the edge of her words. "I mean, it's not like Azula gives a damn."

"I know," I replied quietly, knowing she'd never hear.

Azula didn't give a damn about me. But she didn't matter. She'd never really mattered. She wasn't the one I strove to impress. It wasn't her admiration I'd struggled my entire life to gain.

Father.

He was the one I needed…or, thought that I needed. I admired him still, despite everything. Despite my scar, my banishment, the revocation of my title, I still yearned for his approval. I saw that as my salvation of everything. It was the key to regaining my honor.

Azula had said that through coming back, Father would treat me like a war hero. But…

_Azula always lies._

_Azula always lies._

But did she? Did she really?

After a look back, I came to a dark conclusion: Azula always lied. Unless the truth was worse than any lie she could come up with.

"_Dad's going to kill you…"_

"_Where is she?"_

"_You are hereby banished…"_

"_You were lucky to be born."_

I felt flames reappear in my fists.

Was any honor I could regain from Father the sort of honor I truly _wanted_? And how long would it be before it was taken away again?

I looked to the fire I'd made that was already little more than glowing embers and twisted porcelain.

I sat on the floor, closed my eyes, and breathed. I just needed to breathe. I thought back to my lessons.

Breathing is one of the most important things about firebending. Fire, like you, needs to breathe.

"_Fire needs air."_

I suddenly flashed back to the delirium of my sickness, thinking I'd awoken with the Avatar's face.

I groaned. This wasn't helping to calm myself.

I needed to focus. Through focus comes thought, through thought comes knowledge. Comes knowing what to do.

And with much thought, came this knowledge: I could not stay here.

Even if I did go home, I wouldn't be free ever again.

But if I _left_… If I left, I could never return. Then again, what was there to return _to_? I lightly touched my scar. There was nothing here for me. And yet what else was there elsewhere? Little more, but at least there was _possibility_.

Oh yes, there was possibility all right. Possibility of facing all the dangers of the world _alone_. Not that I feared them, I simply knew odds to be against me. But then, maybe there was more. When the choice comes between definite nothing and uncertain nothing, each with the possibility of misery, there seems little point in choosing.

But I knew what was here. I knew what the Fire Nation held for me. What company Azula and Father would make. Outside the walls of Ba Sing Se… There was the unknown. Between the known and unknown…

The decision was made clearer.

I opened my eyes, my choice made.

It was time that I left.

* * *

to be continued...

I'm not saying I'm a fan of Mai/Zuko. I just think Mai's attraction to him should be acknowledged.

reviews appreciated. till next time!


	4. Chapter 4

thanks once again to reviewers for the feedback!

(okay, bear with me. in this chapter, I'll be using some lingo ya'll may not be all to familiar with. Since I'll be referring to the Blue Spirit a lot in this chapter, I'm sure you can figure most of it out. Otherwise, just look up 'ninja' on Wikipedia and you'll see what I mean for the most part.)

please enjoy

* * *

I decided to wait for the next day's nightfall, spending most of the time wondering, and more worrying, about Jin. Had she listened to me? Had she run? What if she'd been caught? But then, it didn't keep up appearances to bar people from leaving the city, and Azula had said she wanted to keep things quiet until… Until it was too late for them to run.

I managed to keep to myself, since Azula did not yet deem it the time to force me to actually pitch in. There was of course the possibility she meant to keep me close by to watch me. That much I had to acknowledge but could do little about. Fortunately, I knew how much Azula underestimated me.

As for Mai, our paths didn't cross again. She'd given up on me. I can't say I was at all disappointed about this, though a part of me was wary that she might plant suspicions against me in Azula for revenge.

I couldn't worry about imagined obstacles, however; the real ones were disheartening enough. From my window, I saw Ba Sing Se's great walls and recalled Uncle's stories in the letters he sent back during the attempted siege. He'd spoken of them when we'd entered the city a few weeks ago, but I'd never truly appreciated them until now.

Probably because I'd never thought of them as an obstacle before, and they were a grand one.

I smirked and said to myself, "A flying bison would certainly come in handy _now_…"

With that thought in mind, an idea on how to conduct my departure entered my mind…

----------------------

The mask of the Blue Spirit was gone, no doubt at the bottom of Lake Laogai by now, and my daos were missing as well-I suspected Azula of arranging them to have gone 'missing'. I still had my ceremonial knife that Uncle had sent me from Ba Sing Se many years ago, and I'd managed to procure the black shinobi shozoku and jika-tabi. That much would have to do, but I wanted to cover my face still. I half-heartedly considered making my way to Laogai and retrieving the Blue Spirit oni, but I knew that to be a stupid and reckless route.

Instead, I used a long black cloth to fashion myself a mask, tying the cloth so as to be flexible and allow me to see, but also to obscure my features. My scar had to be hidden as much as possible.

In my room, I waited, being absolutely still and silent. I had done this many times before, and every time I'd been successful. Though the vast city of Ba Sing Se stretched out before me, my confidence didn't waver. If I didn't doubt myself and focused on the goal, victory would come to me. I couldn't think of Azula, of Father's army marching here at this very moment. I couldn't think of Uncle and the stinging burn under my black clothes. I thought only of the layout of the city, the Dai Li patrols, and the land beyond the walls.

There was a full moon out, and the light bothered me. A new moon gave the night a perfect darkness that would have comforted me, but I couldn't wait. I left tonight or never.

When a patch of clouds came and covered the moon, I leapt from my window. I fell story after story, the blank red wall the only thing next to me, impossible to latch onto if I needed it. The shingled roof over a balcony lay below me. I didn't land on it, however; the noise would have been too much. Instead, I grabbed the curved, ornate corner of the awning and swung my legs up. I climbed onto the roof and edged to the wall. The shingles, old and never meant to hold weight like this, wobbled and I thought I heard one crack. But I made it to the wall and used it to hold the bulk of my weight, the shingles seeming to breathe in relief.

The palace was easy enough to leave. With the Earth King gone and no one aware of the coup, there was little reason to have a lot of protection around it. At least, that was how Azula saw it.

Leaving the palace was so easy, and nearly boring, it was almost a relief to reach the city. Ba Sing Se, a sprawling urban area with rooftop on rooftop, with plenty of back alleys and niches, it was perfect for my purposes. I'd learned as much during my nights as the Blue Spirit, and there was a quiet thrill to steal straight across the city in a single night. I flew from building to building, crept among shadows. Forget the Earth King, the Dai Li, and Azula; _I_ owned this city.

---------------

It took the entire night to cut across the city on foot and with stealth, but the energy flowing through me kept me far from any fatigue. I was nearly out, and in a moment the gates of Ba Sing Se would open and I would be free.

There was a menagerie just outside the city walls, and it had become very popular. People said it had been created by the Avatar. I sneered at the idea. He's the Avatar and he spends his time helping poor zookeepers? Ludicrous.

The walls opened in the early morning, before the sun rose, so feed for the animals could be brought in. The cart of feed arrived at the gates as it always did. The gates opened for it, as they always did. The cart moved through the open gates, the routine perfectly succinct. There was only one small difference this morning; the cart was just a little heavier than usual. The reason being that I was clinging to the bottom of it.

I held on through the gates, feeling a wave of victory once I was past the walls. I waited until the cart was stopped by a patch of shrubs, when I rolled out from under the cart and into the bushes. Quietly, I started to make my way away from the cart and towards the open land. When I thought it was safe, I stood.

Unfortunately, this was met with a low growl, and I slowly turned to see a mandril-boar let loose an angry roar. Though the beast couldn't attack from its rock-enclosed habitat, it had brought me unwanted attention.

I heard the owner give a yell to me, but I was already running. Fortunately, it was still dark and a patch of woods was nearby. I made it to the woods, but a thorned branched tore at my mask. I removed it and kept going, my face slick with sweat.

Soon I was far from the zoo and I knew the keeper had to have given up. I sat for a moment on a rock and looked at my surroundings. Nothing but rocky terrain all around here. I was out of Ba Sing Se, but I was too close to it. I had to move to different land, and the sooner I did it the more secure I would feel. I gave a quiet smirk. The worst thing I'd encountered thus far was an ill tempered mandril-boar. Perhaps it was a good omen.

From here there was either the mountain country to the north or the lakes to the east. Since the ferrys were certainly the easiest and fastest way, I chose them. I wanted to be across the lakes before sunrise, so with a heavy sigh I stood and started on my way to the docks.

Unfortunately, it would prove more difficult then I'd realized.

--------------

Of course the ferry wouldn't work. Why would it? For I was Zuko: Joke of the Fates.

"I just want to take a ferry back," I said, my tone revealing how little patience I had left for this damned bureaucracy of the Earth Kingdom.

The ferry captain stood firm, however, chewing on some plumpine gum by the look and smell of it. "You wanna go back?" he snorted, "What, are ya slower than a tortoise-sloth? We bring people by the boatload wantin' to get _in_ to Ba Sing Se. You've gotta be the only guy wantin' to get _out_."

"You'd be surprised," I remarked darkly, picturing the future Ba Sing Se of Fire Nation rule.

The ferry captain only shook his head. "Well, either way, I'm sorry. Regulations 're regulations. Authorized crew only on back trips. You'd be better off just jumping from the walls and flapping your arms!"

He gave a hearty laugh at his own joke before spitting out the gum onto the deck, only inches from my foot. With a sneer, I noted I'd correctly guessed the flavor.

"I can earn my keep for the trip," I said with a sigh. I'd lived as a peasant for a few weeks; I could deal with a few hours of labor.

The ferry captain, unfortunately, only shook his head as he popped another sickly sweet smelling wad into his jowl. "No can do. Another ferry took a girl for the same bargain. Customs lady on the other dock threw a damn fit."

I raised a hopeful eyebrow and felt my heart shiver. A girl on a back ferry? Could it have been Jin? "A girl?" I asked with quiet conversationalist tone.

The captain gave a nod, his jaw working hard to break into the gum. "Yeah. Heard that she didn't give much of a reason for going, but she was going over to Chi Ningh. Ran right quick outta here too."

I gave a sigh of relief. Jin was out. She'd be safe.

"So," the captain went on, some spittle welling up on his lips from the fresh gum, "That's why I can't give ya a lift, kid. Sorry."

Defeated, I turned away.

----------------

The ferry was out, so what was left? The West Lake was already taken by the Fire Nation. I still wanted to cross the water, so…

I remembered hearing of another way to traverse the lakes, this way by land. The Serpent's Pass. It was said to be dangerous, only for the most desperate. It sounded just like the way I was meant to take. Besides, this was what earthbenders said to be 'most dangerous'. I was a firebender soldier, far more deadly and trained than the common Earth Kingdom peasant.

I'd only seen the Serpent's Pass on a map a few times, so I headed in what I assumed to be the right direction. Fortunately, the sun hadn't risen yet, so the trek on the dry earth was cool.

As I turned a corner, I suddenly found myself face to face with a raised bow and arrow. My surprise slowed my reflexes, and I had time to study the face before I formed any fire in defense. The beady eyes and bulbous nose looked a little familiar, as did those ragged, uniform farces.

"Hey-hey we know you!" a low, slightly raspy voice said and a short homely person with a painted face, and I knew I'd seen the two of them before.

_Sneaking into the captain's quarters, stealing food._

"You probably don't remember us," the girl-and I knew her to be one, despite appearances, remembering Uncle's awkward mistake on the boat-said as her comrade lowered the arrow, "Sorry. Just nice to see something familiar around here. I'm Smellerbee, this is Longshot." She gestured to her friend, who gave a nod, then turned back to me, scratching her head. "Sorry, don't remember your name."

"It's Zuko," I replied quietly, and looked at the two-what were they called? Freedom Fighters? Something was missing here… And then I remembered the leader. Jet.

"_Us outcasts have to stick together."_

"_They're Fire Nation!"_

"_You want a show? I'll give you a show!"_

I narrowed my eyes at the two. "Where's your friend?" I said tersely.

Then there was a pause, and I saw a look in Smellerbee's eyes that was so familiar to me that I knew what she was going to say before it came out of her mouth.

"Jet's dead."

-----------------

The burial mound sat across the rock valley of an earthen tent that Smellerbee said she and Longshot had 'found there'.

"We came out here to bury him and just didn't leave," Smellerbee said quietly. I heard her sniff a little, and Longshot put an arm around her shoulder for comfort. "That Long Feng guy messed with his head and killed him."

I stared at the mound, not sure how to feel. He'd become an enemy, but I pitied his friends and knew that this end wasn't meant for him. I thought I owed something to them, so I offered this much:

"Long Feng's dead," I announced quietly.

The two next to me started and stared at me. "What? How do you know?"

That much I wasn't going to reveal. "I just do."

After a thought, the girl said without any guilt, "I'm glad he's dead."

I looked past the valley as the two continued to grieve. I saw a high, jagged scrap of rock and knew it to be the Serpent's Pass. It certainly didn't look all that pleasant, or even remotely like a serpent, but I assumed the title to be a misnomer. It was time I started to leave; I didn't belong here.

"I'm sorry about your friend," I said quietly and sincerely as I started walking away.

"Don't be," the girl said, "Wasn't your fault."

_Wasn't it_?

I remembered Jet breaking into the tea house and fighting with him. His shouted accusations. The Dai Li taking him away as he continued to yell like a madman. If it hadn't been for the presence of myself and Uncle, Jet wouldn't have fallen to Long Feng's lantern tricks. Then again, it was Jet's fault for loosing it. His fault for getting obsessed with a target.

_Like me and the Avatar…_

That thought was broken as Smellerbee called after me. "Hey, where're you going?"

"I need to leave," I replied shortly.

"So take a ferry."

"Already tried. They won't take me," I answered simply, "I'm taking the Serpent's Pass."

I heard the girl gasp and rolled my eyes to myself. I didn't need the pity of some pathetic grieving 'Freedom Fighter'. I could handle myself. Besides, the passage looked worse than it probably actually was.

"Hey, no, wait!" she yelled after me as I heard her and the other follow, "Don't do that! It's dangerous!"

"I know," I said so quietly I was surprised they actually heard me.

They caught up and I found the boy, Longshot, thought he would block my way. I glared at him and nearly started forming the fireball I'd almost began when he'd pointed his arrow at me.

"No one's ever gone and survived!" the girl insisted from behind, "Don't take it! Find another way!"

With a suppressed growl, I pushed the boy out of my way. "Go mourn your friend and leave me alone," I said coldly. I continued walking and they didn't stop me again.

* * *

to be continued...

up next: the Serpent's Pass


	5. Chapter 5

a/n: hey guys. My Festivus gift you readers and my supportive reviewers is this last chapter for the next couple days. What with the holidays and all, the next chapter won't be posted for a little while (I'm betting most of you won't get to read this till then anyway).

please enjoy and happy holidays!

* * *

The Serpent's Pass, I soon found, was probably created by one of the maddest or most idiotic earthbenders in their entire history. It was little more than a strip of rock. It had a path-if one could call it a 'path'-that was unstable, much like the rest of the Pass. A portion of the path would at times collapse under my weight, or the treacherous spiked towers above would shed piece of itself, the massive chunks plummeting downward upon me. But those dangers, I'd managed to avoid.

Again, I wondered why everyone was so frightened of the Pass. While the occasional path on the edge of a great drop to the lake might be intimidating and the falling rocks were a danger, even a capable peasant could traverse this unharmed. Bleak? Yes. Reserved for the most desperate? Hardly.

It was only a few miles later that I encountered something worse than the rocks and height. As I said, it was a very incompetent earthbender behind this mess. Apparently, one that also thought people could breathe underwater. The path came to a point where it _sank_ beneath the lake and continued on that way for several yards until rising again into the regular jagged pattern. Strange enough, there was a round stump of earth in the middle of it, and I owed its existence up to the same idiot earthbender creator.

I gave an irritated sigh. I'd have to swim across. At least the small island gave me a place to stop and rest; though, I doubted that I'd need it. Compared to the spelunking I'd done in the frigid waters of the North Pole, this was nothing.

I removed the upper half of my shinobi shooku and tied it at my waist. While the shinobi was well designed for the acrobatics of climbing around Ba Sing Se, it was ill suited for swimming. With a quick stretch and a deep breath, I dove in.

I had an ominous feeling almost as soon as I hit the water. Since I couldn't explain it, I ignored it. It was an odd feeling… I almost thought that I was being watched. As I swam, I thought I heard a splashing other than my own. I stopped and treaded water, scanning the area around me. Seeing nothing in the dark waves, I continued on.

Suddenly, I felt something move under me. I stopped and treaded again, fear gripping me. _Something_ was here, stalking me. Hunting me. I didn't know what it was, but I knew from experience that the harmless tortoise-seals were incapable of this stealth. No, this seemed to be something far more malevolent. I saw the earthen island a short distance away. I'd certainly feel more secure there. In the water, I couldn't produce flames.

Cautiously, I frog kicked toward the island. But I went still and my whole body went cold as an enormous shadow passed under and around me. Admittedly more out of panic than strategy, I decided to race to the island. However, as soon as I started to make my move, I felt whatever it was beneath me begin to rush for the surface. I swam out of the way just as the thing broke the surface.

I barely managed to tread as I stared in horror and amazement at the gigantic beast that presented itself before me. It was a colossal dragon! Almost…

Inwardly, I groaned and offered the fates a bitter smile. The dragon was almost _serpent_ like.

Hence 'Serpent's Pass'.

I half thought to drown myself for my own stupidity.

Then again, the dragon was probably going to dispatch me very effectively on its own.

It charged down at me, jaws open to reveal sharp teeth, each half my size. I dove down into the dark water, pushing myself deeper and deeper. But in the back of my mind, I knew I couldn't swim deeper than the monster's length, and even if I did it could still swin after me. I was eventually going to be caught, tire myself out and get caught, or tire myself out and drown. My only hope was that island.

Under the water, as soon as I hit the pillar of earth, I didn't immediately resurface; instead, I went around it, if only to confuse the beast for a moment. I followed the damp earth upward, exploding back to air and gasping it in.

_Fire needs air_, I heard an internal voice chide me.

I scrambled desperately onto the small island and gulped in as much air as possible. I saw the dragon break from the water again, its neck twisting grandly on up to its monstrous face. Its mouth opened wide and let loose a low roar. Its eyes were dead, and yet they saw me.

It lowered its head and charged for me again, but this time I was ready. My skin was soaked wet, which meant I couldn't yet conjure any fire form it. But there was one part of me than could still firebend…

O let the dragon come as close as I dared, until I could nearly reach out and touch it. Then, I took a great breath and released a long powerful stream of flames right at the beast's face. It gave an unearthly scream and recoiled, twisting in pain. I smiled coldly at its misery and my victory.

Is started to plunge back into the water, but as it did and writhed in pain, a section of its body slammed into me and sent me flying. I smacked onto the water painfully and while yelling in surprise and denial. What I ended up getting was a mouth and a lung full of water. it tasted awful, but I was more concerned that I suddenly couldn't breathe.

I started to cough uncontrollably, a quiet panic beginning to rise. Trying to get the water out of me was exhausting my body and I struggled to stay above water. When the dragon finally hit the lake, however, its impact sent great waves over me and I almost couldn't stay afloat. And if I wasn't careful, I realized, the current would sweep me out into open water.

Perfect. I defeat a dragon and end up drowning.

But only a few moments later, I saw the not-so-defeated dragon rise again with the fresh wound. Now it wasn't only hunting, but in a rage.

I am Zuko: Joke of the Fates.

Thinking it was better to drown than be devoured (I'm sure the dragon was going to love the hot meal I'd make), I almost gave up.

But then something happened that I never would have predicted.

At first, I thought I'd imagined the arrow flying up in the air, but then the dragon gave a furious roar and blood trickled from where the weapon was now embedded. Through the coughs wracking me, I saw two figures on the shore. The girl and the mute?

"Aim for the eyes, Longshot!"

I knew that androgynous voice. If I hadn't been in such a state, I probably would have been angrier that they'd followed. I was certainly embarrassed enough.

The dragon, injured by the burn and the assault of arrows, quickly retreated. While this bettered the situation for me, I was still struggling to breathe and not sink. Yet despite my trouble, I didn't want to occur what I knew was happen. It was just too shameful. Nonetheless, the mute soon plunged into the water and swam up to me. Hoisting my arm over his shoulders, we kicked back to shore together. I protested, but it was all somewhat smothered by my attempts and subsequent failures to get the filthy lake water out of me.

We reached land, the mute and the girl giving me space as I vomited up the last of the water. As I wiped my mouth, I was perturbed to spot a small minnow-eel flop about in the refuse. Suddenly, I felt all of the exhaustion from the incident and not having slept overwhelm me. I let my whole body collapse onto the rough rocks, not caring what the ragged Freedom fighters thought anymore. I was too tired to.

"Are you okay? Is he okay?" I heard the girl ask with a slight frantic edge.

I might have whispered a 'thank you'. If I did, I wasn't conscious of it.

_Get up_, I told myself, _get up_.

With a great effort, I sat up. I looked across the break to the continuing pass. I could make it. I only had to get across.

I stood for another attempt, and I heard the girl at my side. 'Hey! What're you doing?"

"I'm getting across," I stated evenly, not looking at either of them, but only my goal.

"Are you _nuts_?" the girl squeaked. "You almost really got hurt! That dragon-"

"Is gone for now, so this is my only _chance_," I asserted.

I should've just dove in right then. Why was I arguing? They couldn't stop me; they had nothing to do with this. Yet I stayed. Maybe I was tired. But when had that ever stopped me before?

"Look, what if there're more? You don't know what's out there!" the girl insisted, waving her arms.

"Then I'll deal with it when they come."

"Don't! Please…" She stood in front of me so I was forced to look at her. She, however, had her eyes on the ground. I thought I saw her painted stripes run with the mark of a tear. "I've seen what happens when people get obsessed like this…"

_"They're Fire nation!"_

"It doesn't do any good. _Think _about this…"

_"You never think these things through! This is just like what happened at the North Pole!"_

_Uncle…_

I stood on that bank, I'm not sure for how long. I stared out at the opposite shore, but I wasn't really looking at it.

----------------

There are two ways to leave Ba Sing Se: by water or land. I was now leaving it by land, the Freedom fighters more or less escorting me out. When the time came for us to part ways, I intended to keep walking without another word. The girl's voice, however, stopped me.

"Look, why don't you stay?" she asked with quiet anxiety, "Do you really have to go? We came here to start a new life. Ba Sing Se's a big place and its safe."

_Not anymore…_

I almost didn't say anything. I almost walked away. But I remembered fighting for my life in the lake and the arrows striking the dragon. So, as payment, I tried to save them pain, save their lives even.

"Don't stay here," I said in a near whisper.

The girl and the mute's brows furrowed at that. "Why not?"

"Ba Sing Se isn't what it seems," I said in a dead tone, "The Fire Nation's coming."

"What!" Smellerbee yelped in disbelief, "Fire Nation?! They're coming?"

"Already here," I corrected shortly.

Her voice took on an unfamiliar shock and anger. "Why didn't you tell anyone? You knew this was happening and you didn't even do anything? You're just going to leave?"

The girl didn't seem to understand, but the mute, surprisingly, seemed to have quickly made al the connections. Even more surprising, he wasn't really a mute.

"You're Fire Nation."

I said nothing. The girl paled a few shades and looked from her comrade to me. Deciding to believe her friend, she then seemed uncertain on whether to run from me or fight me. Personally, I didn't really care which she would choose.

"Jet was right…" she said in a small gasp, "Jet was right about you…" She sounded like she was going to be sick.

I said nothing, and only turned away. But it was what she said next that made me turn around. She wasn't even speaking to me, but to Longshot.

"We've gotta get back to Ba Sing Se!"

I stared at her. "Why?"

She glared at me. "We've gotta let people know! We're going to fight!"

I shook my head and gave a cynical smirk at the idea and her enthusiasm. "It's hopeless."

"Doesn't matter," she said tersely. She turned and started heading back to the doomed city.

"It's the right thing," Longshot said, almost accusingly to me before he turned and followed his comrade.

I stared after them for a moment, pitying them. But a part of me, one I hardly acknowledged, admired them and was ashamed at myself for leaving. But why? What point would be served in staying? In joining the Freedom fighters and their doomed crusade?

Did leaving make me a coward?

_Uncle's face turns from me in shame._

_The burn stings, even now._

_"You regained your own honor."_

_"It's the right thing."_

I closed my eyes and shook my head slightly as I turned and started to walk away. I was doing what I had to in order to survive. There was no shame in that.

Was there?

* * *

to be continued...

have a good one!


	6. Chapter 6

hello again!

hope everyone is having good vacations!

thank you once again to my reviewers!

I have to say, recently I have been reading some other Avatar fics and I'm just blown away by the talent in this fanfiction section! It's really humbling too. I just keep reading these things and just going 'oh yeah, I should've thought of that...' or 'that's SO cool!'. So just saying, get out there and read some of these FANTASTIC authors!

anyway, please enjoy...

* * *

The last thing my mother ever said to me was 'No matter what happens, remember who you are'.

I thought at first that she'd just gone away. I imagined that she'd run off somewhere. Perhaps she lounged in the haven of a far utopia like the mythical Shangri La or had disguised herself as a peasant and was living on a quaint ranch. I thought about her every day and wondered about her. Was she all right? Did she miss me? Had she found a different family? A new husband, had new children? Had she forgotten me?

I dreamed of her returning for me. I dreamed of her coming and taking me away with her.

But with age, I grew wiser. My mother was not coming back. I would not know her embrace, her scent, her voice ever again. She was dead, or might as well have been.

And why would I want to run away? I had a country to serve. I had Father to serve. I was Prince of the Fire Nation, with a rich heritage to commemorate, a duty to uphold. I was to bring glory to our people, but I can say with no guilt that they were not the ones I sought to appease. It was all for my father.

Then came the Agni Kai.

_The flames come for me, and behind them in shadow I see the Fire Lord in all his ruthless majesty._

_Seering pain on my face. I scream in pain, in betrayal, in utter failure._

_The mark of the banished prince._

_And the only thing running through my head, over and over again: 'But I'm your **son**.'_

My relationship between my father and I came to parallel that of a repentant sinner and a vengeful god. He was all that I knew, all that I worshipped, but through my efforts to gain favor, I could only fail through little more than my own fault. And in return, he did smite me.

---------

Walking down that dirt road from Ba Sing Se, I knew that I had not fulfilled my mother's last words to me. I did not know how, but I knew I hadn't. 'Remember who I am'? Who _was_ I? A prince? A warrior? A good son? What?

In the end, I knew myself to only be a lost cause. To everyone.

"_Remember who you are."_

"_You were lucky to have been born."_

"_You are hereby banished…"_

"_You can't even do lightning!"_

"_Traitor…"_

But the one I had failed the _most_…

"_You didn't think I'd let you have all the fun, did you?"_

"_I have always thought of you as a second son."_

_We cut our top-knots by the riverbank._

"_I have always been a man who believes in second chances…"_

"_I think it is time we resumed your training."_

"_You are not the man you used to be."_

"_You never think these things through!"_

_He turns from me, disgusted by my choice._

_He injures me and his eyes tell me I am an enemy._

Where was he now? What had happened after he and the Avatar's group had escaped? I gave the slightest smirk. Knowing Uncle, he would not be recaptured very easily, if at all. I remembered how we fought together on Azula's ship. General Iroh may joke of his 'old age', but he is as superior a warrior as anything Azula could put against him.

Uncle had left with the Avatar, and I had a feeling the escape hadn't been conducted solely out of charity. The Avatar had mastered air, water, and earth. Fire was left.

My pace slowed at that. Fire was left. Would Uncle…? No. He wouldn't. He'd never go so far as to teach the enemy, the Avatar, firebending! But, a few paces later, I gritted my teeth and knew that he would. Of course he would.

Uncle had always had a weakness for the supernatural. On the ship during our search, he would, but rarely, make the quietest question of our task. He'd make an offhand remark about 'the spirits not meant to be trifled with' and so on. I always dismissed them and returned that he was better than commoner superstition. I had heard the rumors of his journeys in the Spirit World like everyone else. He never spoke on those fantasies, and I certainly never asked about mythical epics.

He would teach the Avatar firebending. He'd probably throw in an extra lesson and make the Avatar a tea-brewing master as well!

I shook my head to myself. Why? Why would he betray his nation in such a way?

_Why did you walk away?_ something echoed malevolently in my mind.

'There was nothing there for me,' I internally answered back. 'There was no point. Azula lies, and Father hates me. Why stay?'

_At least Uncle is doing something_, the evil voice retorted snidely, _At least he's picked a side! You're only walking away!_

'What else was there to do? I was _forced_ out of the Nation, but I remain loyal to it! I will _not_ commit the treason I was wrongfully accused of! Therefore, what can I do?'

_You can make up your damn mind and stop being a coward!_

"_It's the right thing."_

No. No, I was doing what I had to. I was not a coward. I was an outcast. I'd been pushed away. I was only _surviving_.

_Do you really think saying it over and over will make it true?_

I ignored it. I was only thinking this way because I was tired. I needed to rest.

The voice within my mind stopped, but it put in the final word, saying in a half-hearted, almost melodious ironic trickle:

_Azula's not the only one who lies._

-----------------------

I decided to change out of the shinobi, not only to be discreet but also because the thing was still wet from the incident at Serpent's Pass.

There are tributary rivers and ponds leading to the lakes of Ba Sing Se, and it was fortunate for me that there happened to be a village near one such pond. Even more fortunate, when I happened by it, it was occupied by two youths of the village.

I crept among the brush and trees encircling the pond, but I could have stomped right up to the shore, casting fire carelessly all over and the two wouldn't have taken notice as the forest burned around them. Fools.

Their things were in a ruffled pile across the pond from them, and it took little skill to know the items had been cast off with little hesitation or care. I took the boy's clothes and a satchel. I quickly checked the bag to see if it was really worth taking. It had some food, but also a cask of moonswan mead, which I sneered distastefully at. I removed the sickly sweet and delirium-inducing drink, letting it drop into the depths of the pond.

Really, even peasants should have some level of taste.

----------

And so I was 'Lee', the peasant again. I'd given up beds of soft silk sheets for the dusty ground. I'd walked away from bountiful tables laden with the best foods to scrounging for roots and nicking scraps. Oh yes, surely this was the wiser path.

Then again, I wasn't really 'Lee' again, I thought to myself. 'Lee' traveled with 'Mushi', and 'Mushi' was gone. I sighed. So, I was an unnamed nomad.

'Remember who you are'.

How? I didn't even have a name anymore.

By the side of the road, I found a slight ditch with a slightly raised curve of rock that provided some shelter. It was here that I set the stolen bag down and tried to get into as comfortable a position as possible on little more than bare earth and some scraggly weeds. My spirit was still rushed from the recent days, but my mind knew I had to sleep. I shut everything out; all emotions, all memories, all worries. I came to a state that was cold and blank as a slate stone, but it was the only calm I could find.

Sleep came, and time's veil was parted for me as I fell forward into nothing.

--------

Sleep is not a pleasant experience for me, but it is a necessity. When I've had the time to, I've mused if there was ever a way to break from the physical, natural addiction to sleep. It is a state in which one is totally helpless, totally vulnerable. Something that, as a warrior, I knew to be a weakness that had to be eliminated.

Sleep also brings one to a place that should never be ventured. I knew this well, and it had gotten to the point where nightmares were expected.

_Flames everywhere, ash filling the sky. The air is hot and poisonous, thick. I can't find my air._

_But I continue my frantic search, looking everywhere I can think of. Someone is laughing-why does it sound so much like Father? I can't find her. But she has to **be** here, she **has** to be because why, **WHY** would she leave me here? Why would she leave me here to **burn**…_

I sit up with a small cry, my eyes anxiously running over the world around me, either to make sure I've awoken or perhaps to continue the search from the dream…

I see the blazen tapestry marking the symbol of home, the Fire Nation, and relax, but only slightly. I lay back on the cool red silken sheets, so glad to be in my own bed again.

But then, it isn't my bed, I realize as my stomach binds itself into a knot. This isn't my room. Not the real one; not the one at home. It's been my quarters for the past few weeks, but this is not my home. Home lies…where? How far north have I gone? On what continent will I waste another few weeks searching for a century old ghost?

Knowing I cannot go back to sleep again, at least not tonight, I rise, dress, and walk out onto the deck.

The ship granted to me is seen as an easy sacrifice from the navy. It's small and not in very good condition. The men under my command here are mostly not even firebenders and are poor examples of our army's greatness. At the very least, they listen to orders, and that is the most I can hope for.

I walk out onto the steel deck and see the open night sky. The moon is full tonight, and I offer it a habitual more than passionate glare. The moon is the sun's enemy, therefore it is our enemy, my enemy.

I walk up to the metal railings and look over the edge. The salty sea wind carries a cool, almost soothing breeze to…

I stare down at my reflection in the water and see my face. My face…the burn… I know by now it won't heal and that Father meant for that. I feel nothing but utter loathing for the figure staring back at me from the ocean.

I am a disfigured, banished prince with no hope of ever redeeming myself.

"Prince Zuko, what keeps you awake at such an hour?"

I turn in surprise to see Uncle Iroh almost right behind me. I hadn't even heard him step onto the deck. I stare at him for a moment. Why was he here? Why had he come with me on a mission with no end to it? He could have-_should_ have stayed home. I've mentioned as much to him already, but he dismisses me without so much as a wave of his hand. Then again, who was I to instruct the Dragon of the West?

I don't answer his question, however. I turn away and look out onto the vast sea. "You should go back to bed, Uncle. There's no purpose served in both of us being awake."

"I agree," he says sincerely as he walks up to me, "Though I often find it difficult to sleep on this particular night." He pauses for a moment, and when he speaks again, his voice is laced with grief. "It was on this day so long ago that I lost my son."

I hang my head slightly in shame. I had forgotten. This was the day my cousin, Lu Ten had been killed in the war.

"I had a dream," I offer quietly, "I don't think I'll sleep again tonight either."

"It was about your mother," Uncle Iroh states with careful perception.

I only nod in reply. It's too painful to say anymore.

We stand there for a moment, together in the mourning of those taken from us.

I stare at my reflection.

"You know, Prince Zuko," Uncle Iroh says with sincerity, "There is an old saying: 'the darkest time is before sunrise'. It is in times like these, when all is seemingly against you, that you must remain your strongest."

"I know, Uncle," I reply simply. I straighten a little. I am a prince. I will be strong. This mission may have the odds against it, but I've never been one for the easy tasks. If I dedicate myself to this, I will return home again.

"Where should we look next?" I ask him.

With a thought, he says, "I think perhaps Cháyè in the Earth Kingdom.'

I raise an eyebrow-not that of my scarred half. "Why would the Avatar be there?"

"The answer is obvious, nephew," Uncle Iroh says sagely.

"Is it?"

"Cháyè is famous all across the world for its excellent tea," he explains with a phantom smile.

I growl, "You and your tea. You're a royal of the Fire Nation!"

"And I know a fine brew of tea when I have one," he defends with a smile as he turns away. "Perhaps you will someday gain an appreciation for it."

"I doubt it," I say more under my breath that to him.

But, when they are awake, I will instruct the men to turn our course for Cháyè.

--------

"Uncle!"

But he's gone. The ship, the sea, they're all memories swept away with sleep.

I am alone in a ditch. It's nightfall. How long was I asleep?

I realized the reason I'd been awakened as rough voices yell from the road.

"Move it!"

I heard feet on the ground that were dragging themselves either by choice or injury. I could hear that there were iguana-oxes, three of them, each with a rider. There was a clanking of chains, shackles.

Cautiously, I picked myself up into a crouching position. I crept up the low rise to the road to see what I couldn't know from sound alone.

* * *

to be continued...

note: Chaye'tea leaves' in chinese ;)

I heart reviewers!!


	7. Chapter 7

okay. Let me start this whole chapter off with an apology to the readers. I had this chapter finished earlier, but when my beta reader read it, I was told to re-do about half of it, mostly for ill action, ill planning, ill character, and ill dialogue. And thus, in between rewriting and reviewing episodes offline, posting took far longer than normal. So, for any of those who waited for this to come and assumed I'd abandoned this project, my greatest apologies.

No for the good news: this is twice as long a chapter than usual!

Please enjoy

* * *

The riders of the iguana-oxen were Fire Nation, but only foot soldiers really. I doubted if any of the three of them could firebend. Even if they could, it wouldn't have been enough to help themselves…

The three prisoners were chained by their wrists, the riders holding each prisoner by a lead chain. The prisoners were also shackled by the ankles, just enough for them to walk, but not run. The prisoners were three women, their clothing Earth Kingdom peasantry, same as the ones I'd stolen. The three women all seemed of similar age, being hardly older or younger than I. They had been injured, and I could see defensive wounds on their arms and legs.

This sight was nothing new to me, as a soldier-_former_ soldier of the Fire Nation in the thick of its 'Age of Expansion' as they were calling it; an ambitious cause started one hundred years ago by my great grandfather Sozin, continued by my grandfather Azulon, and carried out in victorious glory by my father, Fire Lord Ozai. Prisoners and slaves were a part of daily life.

Yet, there was something different about this encounter. Something about this sight made the heat in my body rise; a physical symptom of wanting to firebend, wanting to _fight_.

_"The Fire Nation's hurt me too."_

_This simple, but pretty and kind girl, scarred for life._

_"I hate you!"_

_This peasant boy who looked at me as a hero, a boy whom I've saved, glares at me with hate and fear. I would never harm him. I would never harm any of them…_

I didn't know these three women. But I pitied them and wanted to help them. I didn't know the three soldiers either, but I knew every thought in their heads at this very moment. None of which were very redeeming for them.

_How much will they take? How much more can they take?_

_When will they stop? _

I realized these to be the thoughts of every person outside of my nation, the nation I had been raised to serve and worship and glorify, the nation I had been told to be the most superior of all other nations, favored by the spirits, better than all other benders. These were the thoughts of those whose families had been taken, their villages burned. Everything burned. Life burned. Children, fathers, mothers, brothers and sisters. They all burned. And it was the Fire Nation that set them all alight.

'But that is the way it has always been,' I thought, 'I was told… I was always told…'

_I was told to **enjoy** it._

I felt my whole body go numb, except for the black cold. I thought I was going to be sick. I felt the way I had when I'd fallen ill. But here there was no sleep or dreams to escape to; this was _real_.

"Keep moving, wench!"

I heard the bark of the Fire nation solider and held onto it, using it to pull myself out of the turmoil of my spirit.

_Here and now… Here and now…_

Here and now I was crouching by the roadside, watching three women be half-dragged to who knew where by these soldiers. I could do nothing about the past, nothing about the history and deception of my nation. But there was something I could do about _this_.

--------------------------------

I crept ahead of the procession, keeping to the very edge of the forest. Using all of my stealth, I climbed onto a low-hanging branch, barely making a sound. And there I waited as the procession continued. I remained totally still in the dark, and because of that the first two riders and their prisoners passed beneath me without even being aware of my presence. When the third rider passed under, however, I made my move.

He didn't see me and he hardly heard me. Didn't even know I existed until I tackled him. I leapt from the darkness and went for his shoulders, knowing I stood the best chance of knocking him off the iguana ox. The look on his face was more than satisfying, but I hadn't counted on him being _completely_ off guard. Thus, instead of me pushing him off his saddle as he tried to keep his ground, we fell from the iguana-ox and onto the dirt.

I knew I had to dispatch this one first, because the other soldiers had definitely noticed my attack. We tussled on the ground, I reacting on planned maneuver and he only on reaction. It would've ended sooner if the iguana ox hadn't been so startled. The long, heavy tail swung in a haphazard pattern where we fought, the massive animal nervously stomping about. If things didn't calm down soon, it would fix on a target and charge. The tail swung over us again as I landed a hit across the soldier's face. However, he took the hit in stride and used my shift in weight to push me to the side and down, giving him the best leverage. I caught sight of weapons sheathed at his side (he had been too preoccupied with me to grab them) Suddenly, I had an idea; I pushed him up and…

With a dull whack, the tail slammed into the soldier, and he was gone. Fortunately, before he'd been hit aside I'd slipped from the sheath on his belt a pair of dao swords. As I got to my feet once I'd avoided the iguana ox, I smirked at the weapons. They felt wonderfully familiar in my hands.

"Thanks for the help," I said to the departed solider.

"Hey! Stop him!"

I turned expectantly to the other two soldiers who were riding up, spears raised. I lazily kept the daos at my side. These two would be finished as quickly as the first.

"Stand down!" one called, brandishing his weapon.

I defiantly slashed and crossed my blades through the air, to give a demonstration of what was to come. "No, I don't think so."

As I charged, I caught sight of two of the prisoners looking on from the background. Their guards had dropped their chains. I remember wondering, as I gave warrior's cry and leapt onto the nearest iguana ox, why they weren't running.

I leapt up into the air and, as the iguana ox angrily waved its horns, I only used them for greater footing as I went for the rider.

Flashing the daos, I thought this one to be as easily beat as his comrade. However, he met me with his own pair and we became braced for a moment. I took on the offensive, taking his pair with one of my own and using the other to slash at him. He managed to break and block that.

The other rider used a spear to try and break into our duel, and I had to dodge and block that while using the other dao to battle the other rider.

The daos sliced through the night air. They danced in battle, one sword, and I was one with them.

The iguana ox, meanwhile, was not pleased with its station as a battefield. It bucked wildly, roaring. My opponent lost his footing; I held onto the saddle and managed to stay on. Loosing some of the weight and with myself remaining as limp as possible, the beast calmed and steadied. I found myself face to face with the soldier wielding the spear. I stood on the animal's back, daos raised. I smirked down at him as he held up his weapon.

Finally unnerved, the soldier swung. In one smooth motion I raised one of the swords and sliced the weapon in half. The offending half of the weapon fell harmlessly to the ground. The soldier gaped at the useless stick he now held in his hand, then turned his cowardly gaze up to me. I leered down at him.

"_This_ is what the Fire Nation has to say for itself?" I hissed with disgust overlaying my cool sliding voice.

The solider, in reply, dropped his stick and held his hands up defensively. "Please…"

A sneer crossing my face, I raised my daos to strike his regardless. _I_ was the dishonored one of the Nation? Father preferred the Nation's glorious army rife with men such as _this_? At least I could fight!

"You're pathetic," I sneered to the cowering disgrace.

However, it was at this point that the other soldier, who was not so disposed as I thought him to be, grabbed my ankles and pulled, whisking me right off my feet! I hit the saddle of the iguana ox, my jaw rattling from the impact. I did at least manage to keep steady on my feet once they'd hit the ground. I turned my head, teeth gritted, to see the other soldier. I already felt the top of his sword at the back of my neck.

"Drop the weapons!" he barked. My grip only tightened on their handles. "Drop them!"

I spotted a spear sheathed in the saddle I was forced up against. It was _just_ out of my reach, and I with the daos, I probably wouldn't have been able to use both.

Before I could think of, let alone perform a move to do anything _but_ drop the daos, I heard a different voice as the steadiness of the blade on my back weakened. A woman's voice.

"Let him go," she said in a quiet voice that almost gave _me_ a chill. When the soldier didn't comply, the woman repeated the order. I heard the light rattle of chains. "Let him go _now_!"

As my neck relaxed against the blade's departure, I turned my head and saw one of the prisoners had the soldier, the chains that had once held her she now used to wrap around his neck. I was more than a little surprised; this peasant woman showed startling strength and bravery. Her eyes met mine and I saw a kind of fierce determination I'd only seen before in the eyes of the waterbender girl of the Avatar's group.

A shout from the other soldier reminded me he was there. He'd grabbed the second spear from the other saddle, proving him to at least not be a complete fool. He raised the spear threateningly. I couldn't believe the not-complete fool thought to fight my daos against his pathetic spear again. Instead, I kept my hands on the iguana ox, my left hand being particularly close to the animal's rump. I formed a small spark on the tip of my finger and let it lazily fall onto the animal.

I perceptively leapt back just as the beast gave a ferocious roar and reared back. Its fright in turn startled the one next to it and it ran off in front, its protesting rider carried with it.

I smirked to see him be carried off, the stampeding pair of iguana oxen roaring into the night. I turned and saw the peasant woman had knocked her captive unconscious and had bound him with the chains. I observed the sight quietly, astounded and suspicious. I sheathed the daos.

Behind the girl, I noted the first iguana ox I'd encountered hadn't calmed down.

The girl noticed me, and she regarded me with curious thanks.

The iguana ox had finally reached a rage and had fixed on a target.

"That was amaz-" she started to say.

The ground rumbled…

I acted without thought, only reacted, something a trained and competent being never does. Then again, I'd like to think that in my actions I am not as cold as Azula. That I do act with purpose and sense.

Thus, I can say that I am not ashamed that I grabbed that girl and half-shoved, half carried her out of the way of the charging iguana ox.

We hit the hard dirt, getting out of the way just in time. The captured solider wasn't so fortunate.

I got to my feet again quickly and didn't look at the girl. Though, I did sense she was as unsettled and awkward by what had happened as I was. I gazed around. Where were the other girls?

Then I saw one of them had subdued the other soldier, the first one I'd taken care of. I found myself becoming even more suspicious of these foreign girls. They weren't knew to combat per se. In fact, they seemed rather in control and organized.

"Thank you."

I turned to the girl I'd saved from the iguana ox, but quickly turned away again. I don't know why I felt so uncomfortable but righteous at the same time. Yet aside from being grateful, I saw the same glint of suspicion in her eyes as I knew to have in my own.

Suddenly, ground rumbled beneath my feet and I saw the third soldier, having regained control of his animal, racing for me. Weapon lost, I could see he meant to run me over or impale me with his iguana ox. I braced myself, daos raised, but to my surprise, the soldier would never even make it to me.

Chains whipped up from outside of my line of vision and slammed into the soldier. The heavy chain slammed harshly into him, and I could just barely hear the crack of ribs. He groaned in pain, slumping in his saddle.

I looked to see the last of the women prisoners-former prisoners-hefting the chain, swinging for another attack. My eyes widened in surprise. The assumed peasant woman seemed to have the ability of a warrior!

The woman swung her chain again, but this time it hit the iguana-ox. Hurt and confused, the animal bucked wildly, roaring. The rider, unable to hold on, fell to the ground. He lay still in the dirt, but the woman covered him anyway, using the chains that had once bound her to secure him. The iguana ox, however, wasn't finished. The beast charged, its horns aimed straight at me. I readied myself, sliding the daos into my own belt; they would do no good against the charging horns.

But then I heard another roar… My heart racing, I turned and saw another of the iguana oxen headed my way. I looked from one of the rampaging beasts to the other. I couldn't outrun them, and they were beyond me in strength, their rage only adding to it. I could firebend but…

_"I hate you!"_

_"We are the most superior benders, that is why we conquer the others…"_

_"The Fire Nation's hurt me too."_

…somehow I felt sick at the thought of it, and that made me feel even worse. I shouldn't be ashamed of firebending, I shouldn't ever have to be ashamed of who I was.

…But who was I?

As I readied to dodge the closest iguana ox, I was saved the trouble by the girl I'd saved, who in a startling show of agility and grit leapt onto the beast and, gripping the reins, managed to cease its charge. It bucked and reared, but the woman held on, eventually using persistence to rein the animal into submission.

However, there was still the other…

It came for me, steam rising from its nostrils. I braced myself as it came, my mind racing. It was just me and the beast. As stated, I had found myself in a strange position regarding my firebending. But I could still produce heat without flame…

As I decided what I would do, I could almost picture Uncle standing next to me, telling me how stupid and dangerous my plan was.

_"You could be killed!"_

And suddenly I was in the wilderness again, telling Uncle to conjure lightning for me to redirect. Standing in the storm, screaming to the heavens to strike me down as they always did.

The iguana ox, like the Serpent's Pass dragon of only a few hours prior, was close enough to touch when I made my move. In fact, it had to be for what I did to work. I grabbed the horns with one hand and with the other I _hit_ it. But I didn't just _hit_ the animal; my hand was scorching hot when it slammed into the beast's snout.

I ignored the pain and only relished in the iguana ox's roar of its own pain as it reared and retreated, shaking its head to try and cool the fresh burn.

I turned and found myself surrounded by the three women I had helped. Immediately conscious of my scar, I stayed to the shadows, keeping the marred half of my face in darkness.

I stood before the women, but I tensed, just in case they were less than grateful for my help. The three of them had shown themselves to be fighters, and having grown up with Azula, Mai, and even Ty Lee, I wasn't a fool to underestimate them based on gender.

One of the three, the girl I'd saved from the iguana ox, stepped forward. I noticed a mean burn ran along her shoulder and I wondered, since the guards obviously didn't firebend, who had inflicted it.

"My name's Suki," she said, "This is Seiko and Zhen." The other two nodded in turn. I didn't really bother to take note of which one was which. It didn't seem to matter.

Another stepped forward. "And on behalf of the Kyoshi warriors, we offer greatest thanks!"

Suddenly, it was as though a rope had tightened within me. Kyoshi warriors! The last time I'd encountered any of them was when I'd led an invasion of their village! I gazed rather dumbstruck at the three of them. I hadn't just freed prisoners; I had helped the enemy! But how could I have been able to tell, with their painted faces and uniforms absent?

I was concerned that they could recognize me. Not so much in fear they would attack; I'd fought them before and found them… well, not quite as ferocious as legend would tell. What mattered was that if they recognized me and attacked, then the treason I'd just committed was for no reason.

"We are greatly indebted to you, sir," the one, Zhen (?), said earnestly.

"Why did you help us?" another, the one called Suki asked. While her face was one of thanks and curiosity, I caught the underlying suspicion.

"Suki, don't question the one who helped us," another chided quietly.

"No, it's fair," Suki, the apparent leader insisted with a quick stubbornness. She turned to me and gave a kind, but apologetic smile. "I only know one or two other guys who'd do something like what you did for people he didn't even know. Why'd help you us?"

I stared through one eye at her for a moment, than at the other two. I had never really been in this sort of position before. I could hardly absorb the situation, let alone come up with a half-decent reply. But no, I did have an answer.

"_We've gotta get back to Ba Sing Se!"_

_The mute looks at me with anger, but not so much as the girl. He mostly has a gaze that says he doesn't understand me; doesn't understand why I would leave._

"Seemed the right thing," I said quietly.

The Kyoshi leader of the three, Suki, looked at me for a moment and I felt her gaze on my scar. Did she know me?

"Have we met before?" she asked, answering my internal question.

"No." I turned my face away a little more.

"That's weird," she said slowly, "You seem familiar…" She shook her head. "Oh well." She looked at me again, but this time not trying to identify me. She seemed thoughtful and a little embarrassed. "I'm sorry, but we can't pay you back for what you've done. Not tonight." Her expression darkened. "We've got scores to settle."

I observed the burn on her shoulder, knowing she spoke more than the truth. But I had no interest in having any debts or alliances with the Kyoshi. The 'rescue', I told myself, was only to release some anger that had built up from recent days. I'd only done it to exert frustration and confusion from what had happened between Uncle and myself, from telling Jin to go. That was all. I was no friend to Kyoshi or any other enemies of the Fire Nation.

"Forget it."

Suki frowned. "What?"

"Forget any debt you think you owe me," I dismissed. While I knew that refusing any and all of their returns for my assumed generosity was dishonorable for the Kyoshi, I didn't care. I turned to take my leave, to go… To go nowhere, really. Nowhere and anywhere. It didn't really matter.

"You've got a friend in the Kyoshi warriors, sir, that I can promise!" I heard one call after me.

The quietest one, Zhen, spoke softly, but anxiously enough that I heard her and stopped. "Please. Could we just have your name?"

I thought for a moment. Li was gone because Mushi was gone. I was tired of aliases. I was tired of hiding. So I answered her. Not with shame, not with pride. Only fact.

I turned to all of them, and I saw their faces drop at the sight of my scar before I even spoke. "It's Zuko."

I sensed the Kyoshi behind me tense. Surely they knew me now. I turned at one of the gasps from one of the Kyoshi: "The Fire Nation Prince?"

I nodded at the one who had spoken and saw the women I had just saved now leer and glare at me. One, Suki, had her foot back and arm raised in a half-ready battle stance. I found myself back in that dusty town, and that boy and his mother…

_"Stay away from him!"_

_"I hate you!"_

"Spirits…" Seiko whispered, she, like her fellow warriors, unsure what to do.

Another, the one called Suki, however seemed to be a bit more certain of what to do. "You attacked our village! You hunt the Avatar!"

A bitter smirk might have crossed my lips. _I used to_, I though to myself.

Still, not Suki or the others actually made an attack.

None of them knew what to do, their morals and knowledge clashing so ferociously that I could see it playing out on their faces. I had been in such a position before, of course. There hadn't been much of a battle then. It was all rather easily decided.

_I awake, fading from a world of smoke and arrows and daos and into one of…sunlight and trees. But that can't make sense; I'd failed. I'd fallen. I should be dead or prisoner of Zhao by now. I know, because I wake up with my heart and mind racing as though I've only just left that moment when I caught sight of the Yu Yan archer's arrow headed for me…_

_My mask. Where is it?_

_Someone's talking…_

_"You know what the worst part about being born a hundred years ago is?"…_

_The Avatar. My target. My prize. And I know then. I know everything then. That he had to have saved me. And he knows the truth. And I hate him for all of it. The stupid little boy should have left me! _

_"Do you think we could have ever been friends?"_

_With a roar of anger, I attack, and I aim not to harm but to **kill**. I hate him. I hate him and how he's helped me. I hate him for all of it because for once I've felt… I've felt sympathy for him. And, for the most fleeting moment, I was grateful to him. And to make me feel that way is unforgivable. _

_Damn the system, damn that I won't be able to go home. I want him to burn like I burn, I want the stupid smiling bald head to finally show the kind of pain that blazes through me every day. _

_But that's something I'll never have. _

_He dodges my fire, and then he's gone. _

There had been no real hesitation. I'd known exactly what I was going to do and no second thoughts about whether it was the right thing, about how the Avatar had saved me. But it wasn't cold, like Azula. It was just anger, and hate all a blazing inferno within me.

I turned my back on the Kyoshi. I knew they were alike with the Avatar's group. The Avatar's little band who, fools that they were, saved me, sworn enemy, from dying in the North Pole. I hadn't even done anything for _them_; therefore I knew I was safe to make my departure from this scene.

But one of the Kyoshi, Seiko I think, called after me, her voice angry. I knew her anger. She was furious at me because she was supposed to hate me, fight me, even kill me, and I'd made it impossible. Here I was, Fire Nation Prince, right here for her to do just that, and she couldn't do a thing.

"Why did you help us?" I kept walking, not even looking back. "Answer me!"

I stopped. I looked at the three of them and gave a bitter smirk.

"What does it matter?" I said quietly, my voice cold and smoothly gliding from my mouth, "I did what I did and now you're free."

I looked from one to the other. I felt a certain steadiness come back to me. Regardless of my position with the Fire Nation, I was still a firebender and no friend to Earth Kingdom vigilantes. While this didn't make me act in any physical offense to the Kyoshi, it did stifle my questions of firebending and identity, if only for this temporary moment. Thus, I let my hands form flames-not very threatening, but only enough to promise I was who I claimed.

"I could take all three of you again if I chose," I said, as if it were nothing. And it wouldn't be. They knew, I knew it. I retracted my flames like a predatory cat does claws. "I'm not going to. I don't really want to." I stayed my gaze on the leader, Suki. "Settle whatever scores you have, Kyoshi. I'll not stand in your way."

I turned my back on them, but I heard one of them approach. I kept walking; that was until she spoke. It was more her tone than her words that stopped me. She didn't sound angry or afraid. That irritated me, but not as much as to realize she even sounded _amused_.

"I remember you now," the one called Suki said. Her voice was quiet, but there was something bold that filled it. I couldn't say I remembered her from any other Kyoshi; after all, they all looked the same.

"You look a lot different without the armor and everything. Life in the country hasn't really done much for you, Zuko." I turned my head back to glare at her, but it was left side that I turned. I saw a spiteful gleam in her eye and a smirk flash and as quickly vanish from her face. "But it can't hide that scar."

"It's no business of yours, Kyoshi," I snapped. My palm heated and I willed it to ignite, and not in warning alone.

"I remember what you did to our village," she went on, ignoring me, her eyes transfixed on the dancing flames in my hand. "Burnt our homes to the ground." She added for a reason I don' think she even knew, "No one was hurt. Thanks to the Avatar."

"I don't care," I stated truthfully. Well, maybe only half-truthfully. It had been done to find the Avatar, to restore my honor. No one had been injured. But…now it was all for a cause I'd abandoned. So then, was it just? It was an enemy peasant village; but was it really an enemy anymore if I was no longer of the Fire Nation?

"I'm sure you don't," the Kyoshi girl quipped, showing she didn't care about how I felt anymore than I claimed to about whatever damage I'd caused her people. "Understand this, Zuko. I don't know what got into your head that made you help us, and maybe it doesn't even matter if you were looking to help or not. But…" She hesitated, and I saw that conflict cross over her face again. "I don't want to say it, and I have a feeling it's a bad idea, but this stands: we're indebted to you."

I sneered inwardly. I'd already told them. There was no debt. There was nothing. The least either of us could do was walk away and resume our businesses. Either that, or resume the status of the war, as enemies, and fight. But this idea that we should depart with them claiming a debt to me? Preposterous. This one was so weak, like the Avatar and his stupid friend.

I saw the Kyoshi girl's face darken, however. "But only once," she said warningly, "After that, I'll remember my village and all the homes that were destroyed the day you came looking for the Avatar."

Well, perhaps she wasn't so weak. Yet, as a warrior in what I envisioned as the personified figure, she was far from it. "You're a fool to trust me," I told her.

She cocked her head challengingly. "You're a greater one to say so."

I turned and resumed walking. It was up to them now. I heard one start, just shifting her feet to start a run, but I heard Suki stop her.

There was a pause of choosing and finally decision. "Ba Sing Se then?"

"Sure."

"How'll we get in, Suki?"

I heard a lilt of mischief and the kind of pleasured tone that only comes with thoughts of cleverness and revenge.

"I've got an idea..."

Whatever the Kyoshi's idea was, I didn't find out what it was. I left them on the road that night walking into the wilderness alone, trying not to think of villagers, Avatars, and memories veiled as dreams.

* * *

to be continued...

once more, my greatest apologies! r/r!


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